


DISASTER IS INEVITABLE

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Humor, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 23:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11678892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: Title kinda speaks for itself.  It's another one of my meeting fics.





	DISASTER IS INEVITABLE

The meeting so far, had been going well – as well as a boring meeting could go, that is.  Commander Erwin Smith knew better than to call this meeting a success yet, however.  There was still the entire afternoon left to go.  Two whole days, so far, and Levi had yet to do anything that might end the conference in disaster.  All three branches of the military were present along with Supreme Commander Darius Zackary and several members of the Royal Council.  _Just six more hours and I’ll be able to breathe easy,_ Erwin thought.

 

His nerves began to fray, however, as the attendees returned from lunch and he noticed his troublesome captain walking in with Commander Nile Dok of the MP Brigade and sitting down with him at the large table.  _Oh no! Nononononono!  That is the worst seating arrangement possible!_

 

In reality, though Levi trashed and teased Nile mercilessly, the two were actually semi-decent friends – frenemies perhaps?  Either way, Levi had known Nile Dok and his wife Marie longer than he’d known Erwin.  As a former bounty hunter in the Underground, Levi had dealt with Nile frequently and found the man to be the only competent and trustworthy MP in existence.

 

“You still coming over this evening with Erwin for dinner and drinks?” Nile asked.  “I think Marie is making a pork casserole and her brother just sent us several cases of whiskey and vodka.”

 

“I’ll be there.  Drinking competition?” Levi replied.

 

Nile’s eyes widened.  “No way in hell!  You put everyone under the table last time!  I still can’t figure how you didn’t have a hangover!”

 

“At least you beat Eyebrows.” Levi countered.

 

Nile rolled his eyes.  “Marie can beat Erwin.”

 

“I wonder if I could take Pixis in a drink off?”  Levi wondered.

 

“I would pay to see that!” Nile said with a chuckle.

 

“May have to try that sometime.  He seems to be pickled most of the time, so he may actually be a challenge,” Levi mused.  “The fact that he still seems sober and brilliant even though he’s constantly sucking on that shit he keeps in that flask of his makes me wonder if it’s even possible to get him drunk.”

 

“I rather doubt it,” Nile said.  “You know, I used to think that maybe it was just water in that flask.  But then he offered me a ‘swig’ one day.  I gotta say, I don’t know what that stuff was, but it was the worst liquor I’ve ever had!”

 

Levi smirked.  “And as an MP, you would, of course, know your liquor.”

 

Before Nile could rebuff the cutting remark, Premier Darius Zackary knocked his gavel on the table and called the meeting back to order.  The floor was given to one of the council members who continued his long winded dissertation that he’d begun before lunch.

 

Within minutes, everyone in the room was bored out of their skulls.  Nile sat with his left elbow on the table and his chin resting in the palm of his hand.   Then Levi nudged him to get his attention and pointed to a plain, ugly little brown inchworm working its way along Nile’s jacket sleeve and onto the table.  Both men watched the ugly little thing with open fascination.  _It really is scary the things I find amusing when I’m bored,_ Levi thought.

 

After several minutes of watching the worm try to figure out where it wanted to go (which ended up in it going in circles) there was a resounding  >SLAM!<  as the speaker slammed a heavy book down on the worm, effectively squashing it.

 

Everyone in the room jumped at the sudden noise (no one had really been paying attention to the speaker and many had been watching the same worm – and yes, it really was a caterpillar – not a worm).  “Hey!” Nile yelped.  “What’d that poor worm ever do to you?!”

 

Levi wrinkled his nose in disgust at the slimy green and brown mess left on the table.  “Overkill much?” he asked in a bored tone, then added under his breath, “Disgusting!”

 

The haughty councilman sneered.  “I fail to see how such a hideous thing could be so much more fascinating that what I am discussing!  What I am telling you is very important, so pay attention!”  With that the man went right back into his boring speech. 

 

Nile scribbled a note down and passed it to Levi.  **I fail to see how merchants choose to load their wagons could possibly be of any importance to any of us in the military**

Levi couldn’t have agreed more.  It only took a few minutes for his OCD to get the better of him and he grabbed a napkin to wipe up the wormy mess from the table.  His nose wrinkled again in disgust as he tossed it across the room into a waste bin. 

 

Another note was slid in front of Levi.  **Bet you can’t make that shot twice**

Levi barely raised an eyebrow, but just as he was gathering up another napkin to accept Nile’s challenge, a drip of water landed on the table where the worm had once been.

 

Both Nile and Levi looked at it in mild surprise, then looked to the ceiling and then to each other.  Another drop hit the table.  Levi passed the note back to Nile.  **What room is directly above this one?**

Nile turned to look at the clock that hung over the doors into the hall and swallowed hard. **The ladies’ baths – and training just ended.**

Levi’s eyes actually widened slightly.  **Oh shit.**

 

A couple of more drops hit the table.  No one seemed to notice except for Nile and Levi.  Levi passed another note to Nile.  **Perhaps it would be prudent to leave the room. And who the fuck had the brilliant idea to put baths on the 3 rd floor??**

 

**No clue . . . And what do we tell the others here?**

**Just tell them that you have to take a shit.  I’ll say the same.**

**Wait, we aren’t going to tell them about the leak?**

**Where would the fun in that be?**

Nile got an almost devilish grin on his face at Levi’s response.  He stood and excused himself from the room.  “Excuse me everyone, but when nature calls, one really must answer.”  He turned to leave the room.

 

Levi stood.  “I gotta take a shit.”  He too left the room.

 

Commander Dot Pixis watched the two men go with suspicion.  “Well, I guess I might as well take a shit too.” And then he too got up and left.

 

Out in the hallway, Nile spotted one of his female soldiers going by, no doubt on her way to the baths.  “Alina.”

 

She stopped and saluted.  “Yes, Commander?”

 

“There appears to be a leak of some kind in the ladies’ baths.  Please ask everyone to immediately shut of all water and –“

 

Nile never got to finish his order as there was a loud crash in the room behind them.  His eyes widened in horror and he turned slowly to see Levi opening the door.  The sight they were greeted with was . . . well, let’s just say it defied description.

 

Everyone in the room was completely soaked and looking for all the world like a bunch of drowned rats.  All just sat back in their chairs with wide eyed shock plastered on their paled faces.  Pale faces were fast turning to red, however.

 

There, above the exact center of the massive table, was a huge hole in the ceiling still raining water down on the hapless meeting attendants.   And below that hole, sitting perfectly in the middle of the table, was a tub . . . water still sloshing over the edges and containing three shrieking women – three **_naked_** shrieking women.  The three were trying to sink down as far as they could to hide, their eyes wide with combined horror and embarrassment. 

 

There were squeals of the soldiers in the room above racing to cover up and getting away from the massive hole in the floor.  Nile watched as a wave of water flowed from the conference room and around the soles of his boots.  The entire scene was just too much.  Nile burst out laughing hysterically.

 

Levi, on the other hand, stepped into the now very soggy room, his nose wrinkled in disgust.  “What a fucking mess.  One of you soldiers toss three robes down here,” he ordered the women still upstairs.  Three robes appeared above and fell into the tub with the three still squealing women.  They were now splashing at the meeting goers shrieking, “GET OUT!  GET OUT!”

 

Levi, with his usual dry expression, said, “Perhaps it would be best if everyone left the room so that these ladies can have a little privacy to get out of their current . . . situation.”

 

Everyone filed into the hallway, carefully averting their eyes from the tub in the middle of the room.  Zoe and Rico staying behind to help the women down from the tub on the table.  Nile was still laughing hysterically.  “Oh my goddess!  You should have seen the looks on all of your faces!  It was absolutely priceless!  Marie is gonna love this when I tell her!”

 

“I don’t know how, Levi, but I have little doubt this is your fault,” Erwin said with a groan.

 

“How do you figure that?” Levi asked nonchalantly.

 

“I don’t know,” Erwin replied.  “But every meeting I’ve ever brought you to somehow ends in disaster.”

 

“Then perhaps you shouldn’t bring me to meetings anymore,” Levi retorted as he turned to leave.  “I don’t know about you, Nile but I think I need a shot of that Vodka your brother-in-law sent you.”

 

“I’m coming,” Nile laughed as he wiped tears from his eyes.  “See you at the house when you get dried off,” he chuckled at Erwin, who only groaned in return.

 

Pixis, who had wisely followed Nile and Levi from the conference room and as such remained dry, took a swig of his bad liquor.  “Well.  **_That_** meeting is a complete wash!”


End file.
